The Great Adventures of Milly and Grandy Frank I

 Before I was a Milly I was a Mom, which is usually how it goes.  We have raised many children from some hard places.  Most of the time we did have challenges, adjustment disorders, tantrums, rages.... all comes with the territory of healing.  But healing is the operative word, over time, hearts healed and the children and us developed bonds.  So when I call myself a RAD mom, I am not referring to the 80s rad...I am referring to a specific disorder Reactive Attachment Disorder.  Something that we have dealt with for the past 15 years.  It is far beyond the typical adjustment disorder, depression, anxiety that is to be expected in the course of an adoption.  As even the best adoption begins with the traumatic event of being separated from a birth parent.  The best way I can explain RAD's affect on a parent is a miscarriage of the heart. As I experienced an actual miscarriage, you carry a child and you dream and imagine all the things you will ...

 If you have had children in your life you have had this experience.  You find a gift for them, something perfect, something that suits them and you know they will love it.  You have the anticipation as you wrap it up and tie the bow.  You get so excited the day arrives and you give them this gift.  As they unwrap it they are wide eyed, mouth open or perhaps a shout of glee! They wrap their arms around you or give you that big smile and you know in that moment they know they are loved....keep that word in your mind...moment.....because if you know children that is how long the magic lasted.  In a matter of time, they still love the gift, but at times it will become the main source of their frustration, especially if its a video game...., It will become their biggest heartache, picture a lost teddy bear, or their forgotten item under a stack of other items when they are bored....  What happened.....what brought them excitement and joy has now fizzled to...

 This year was an unusual year for us.  It was the first year we didn't have two of our children home for Christmas.  It just happened to be our 2 biological children.  We did however have our son in law and granddaughter here for her first Christmas.  Christmas Eve I was singing as part of our worship team and looked down to see all 6 of our children whom came to us through adoption, my son in law and granddaughter.  It hit me that this entire Christmas was happening because Randy and I gave our plans to God in our 20s....We trusted in something bigger then ourselves when things around us were falling apart. So many times in that journey we said yes to God's plan when it seemed, crazy, hopeless, fearful, amazing.....  Without that walk.  This Christmas would have looked a lot different.  I know for a fact we would not know any of these wonderful people who now call us mom and dad, no grandbaby would be looking at her aunties and uncles with ...

So I have been newly addicted to Tik Tok and yes for a long time I was saying no no I am not joining it, but alas I have hopped on board...and there is a whole group of videos using an audio that starts off...first of all how do you even know??  and so that begins my thought train of the day... I am about to reveal how human centric my thinking has always been....one thing I struggle with, along with many in the world is how God can allow bad stuff to happen or how He could create a world in which its allowed or possible.  Before I ever really considered much about faith in my 20s I was a big bangest (if that's a word) mostly because I didn't really think about it more then what I was taught.  Didn't think about what began that, or where that matter came from, or why....my brain just didn't care honestly.  I thought more growing up about spooky ghosts and hauntings more then I ever thought about the other side of spirituality.  What is funny is in those days I n...

Sometimes in life he slips in quietly, stealthy.  I never see it coming. A little apathy, a little less quiet, a little more reminiscing on darker times... then the doubts slowly creep in, the feelings start to slide and the emotions take over, the truth grows quieter and quieter.  The faith begins to waiver and the seeking slows.  A loneliness shadows my heart and like bedtime story starts to lull me into a stillness. Then like a mother waking a drowsy infant I begin to sense an SOS, a life line pulling me back.  It begins with a stirring in my heart and longing in my soul.  A recognition of truth and familiar tug of love back to where my heart belongs, reminding me of the masterpiece I am in the hands of He who has made me.  The volume of my heart begins to rise and my mind begins to clear until I am back where I am and I realize he has crept in and deceived me but He who is greater has got me in his hands.

 I have seen so much debate these past couple of years over a range of social issues.  It has no signs of stopping either.  As a Christian I believe in a God who has a sovereign plan.  He is neither confused nor slow nor unjust.  In a perfect world his statutes are perfect and thus we have a picture of heaven, his second coming.  In the meanwhile we are here in an imperfect world that was never intended to become a perfect world.   In a perfect world, rape, incest, sexual abuse does not exist.  In an imperfect world this is a daily horrible reality. In a perfect world disease and traumatic injuries don't exist, but in an imperfect world they do and often lead to depression, drug abuse.... In a perfect world families stay together, love always is enough, but in an imperfect world we have divorce, domestic abuse, unstable families In a perfect world we are just and do not need governmental type regulations but in an imperfect world we are not a...

Somedays I feel like I must have SUCKER tattooed on my forehead...or perhaps on a sign on my back.  Learning to stand up for myself is not something that has come easily to me.  I tend to avoid conflict and want to create peace in any situation.  Sometimes this has served me well....never had many fights, I can get along with most people.  When I was young people would say I was sweet and back then I hated that description, I wanted something with more power...funny, determined, smart, strong....but sweet always felt weak and powerless.  I have always been an optimist and often have the rose colored glasses.  I have always felt like we can take on anything and I grew to love that about myself as I grew.  I started to see sweet as powerful, because I saw sweet and caring can often bring about powerful change and much more then strength and attitude.  I saw my family blossom and grow in part because of those rose colored glasses.  Had I been lo...