The Great Adventures of Milly and Grandy Frank I

 Perhaps I think about this idea backwards from most, or maybe I have just mostly heard from people who say it in another way.  I have been reflecting a lot on my walk with Jesus over the 20 plus years I have followed him.  I have often heard it preached that we must go to the poor, the orphan, the sick and the margenlized to which I would agree the Bible is very clear on this point.  But I think where I perceive a difference is in the why.  From my study of the Bible and my personal experience it was clear that those who would give their lives fully to Jesus were those with the perceived least to lose.  We love the stories of those on the brink of death and devistation, or pulled out or walked through poverty or the lonely finally finding community.  This is good.  But we tend to overlook the other things that relate to the why.  Those that have their status, their riches or their power to lose aren't looking for a savior.  In fact they...

 I woke up with a new thought or perspective this morning.  Instead of feeling frusterated with things of the world, I woke up feeling sorry for it.  What joy is missed out on and what love is never felt when people are fearful to experience.  One of the things that I have heard from so many pastors is that Jesus loves us unconditionally and he can understand us because he came as man and EXPERIENCED our experiences.  One thing both faith and science tell us is that we become more empathtic and understanding and loving when we share in an expeirience with someone else.  Not observe, read about or watch, but experience.  We all have had times where we thought we understood someones grief until we ourselves experienced its depth in the loss of a loved one.  We thought we understood the healthcare system until we had to navigate it.  We thought we understood bullying until we were bullied.   I cannot begin to speak of things I have not...

We must not mistake watching from knowing.  In a world where we can watch everything around us through social media we have entered a new realm both good and bad.  It can be used as propoganda to seperate people and prey on them but it can also be used to bring understanding and community.  However, we must remember we are only watching, from a bias formed from the filmer and from our own experiences and background.  Knowing on the other hand is experience, its the empathy that comes from the depths of the actual emotion that comes from experience.  I can watch a roller coaster and imagine what its like and draw conclustions, but until I ride that roller coaster I cannot really fathom what a roller coaster is like.   Never in history have we lived in a world where at any moment I can look at what is happening in any city, country, household.  While it may inspire me it might also give me insecurity.  You think your house looks fine until you ...

 And it keeps getting worse.....this post is for my children, my babies, who are now full grown adults who have to deal with ignorance on a daily basis.  My children who may not have been born to me but are my ride or die in my heart until the end.  My heart is broken for them to wake up in a nation where the President posts an extremely racist video of the Obamas....... Knowing that people whom my children consider friends will not step up and call it out, who will continue to argue politics and the worst of that support this administration and still call the same Jesus.  That Jesus, yes the one whom everyone applauded when we were called to grow our family and trusted God to bring just the right children into our home.  The God who choose our family to have different varying amounts of melanin.  The family people like to parade around at how "brave" it was to step out in faith.  Those same people who can not outwardly support an administration that w...

With all of the Epstein files being released and seeing the atrocities that have gone on in the shadows of powerful places, it has me contemplating how such evil can be so pervasive that it is able to be hidden for so long by so many.  One of the hardest things in situations involving evil is why...why...why.... how can someone care so little for another much less a child.  I am not speaking in any political way, this goes far beyond politics and sides, this is just pure evil.  But how does it happen and stay hidden at such a large scale and even now and all the years of this and lengths some have gone to protect predators... but that is just is, in that lies the answer.  It is always about power. Victimization is always about secrets and lies, its where it all starts.  Getting into a victims head and you hold the power, use strength and threats, grooming and promises.  Set it up so once they are in they cannot get out.  It was never a choice for the v...

Yesterday  I was singing a song at church that touched my soul, the verse said, "I sought the Lord and he heard and he answered.... that's why I trust him"  For the last 5 or more years I have had to deal with a lot of soul searching within my own faith.  I haven't once lost the love for God or doubted his existence, but I have questioned things that I have heard from the community of believers, pastors, social media, family, friends and most importantly personal experiences.  I find the best way to explain it is biblical, it is all nonsense....we cannot fathom the ways of an all mighty omnipresent God in the same way a 2 year old cannot comprehend the mind of an adult.  I have learned a lot about myself and my walk and my life.  I have clearly seen and experienced what it is to live without God's presence in my life and when he transformed me, I have lived in a marriage where I have seen a husband live without the presence of God in his life and then a tra...

We must be careful when we start to combine church and state.  There was good reason why it was separated and we are already seeing problems as its being reunited. As Christians we are told to go and make disciples.  We for many decades have gone as missionaries to foreign lands to spread the good news.  We are called to love God and to love one another.  Over the years, churches, hospitals schools and orphanages were built to serve others.  The gospel message of one of truth and love.  Mercy and grace were the hallmarks of Jesus' ministry. Government was best described to me by one of my college professors back in the day as simple as it is the organization that ends up taking care of the problems that overwhelmed the current operating systems.  For example, when we don't have private organizations to freely take care of our sick, the government created a healthcare program, when the private organizations were unable to house the poor or care for the ...

 Anyone who knows me knows that I do not support the current government.  However, when I have thought and prayed this quote from Martin Luther King Jr comes to mind.  I cannot change the circumstances in and of myself.  I am not a politician, I do now have the loudest voice in the room or the most money in the bank.  I am a mom to a multiracial family, I am a tutor to sweet kids from all over the world, I am a Christian woman who doesn't fit the stereotype of the southern Christian woman.  Plus at this point in our world, what would it all accomplish, its always like a pendulum swinging wider and wider year after year separating sides and people and families hating what the other sides stands for or tolerates.  No I am tired and I want off of that.   My heart is my superpower, I can love.  I can love on those who feel lost, forgotten, scared, ashamed, tired.....  I can show love in a smile to child who for a moment feels safe, I ca...

I must say this is my favorite time of year.  I have loved Christmas my whole life.  No matter the situation it brought a smile to my heart.  As a kid I loved singing Christmas carols and I would dance around with my dolls pretending to be Mary.  I loved every aspect of Santa, up at 4am sneaking out to peek.  I actually was a firm believer until I was 12 and it was Christmas Eve and I had an older sister who spilled the beans....thanks Jen :)  As a teenager my focus became finding gifts for the friends or boyfriend, midnight mass if I could stay up that late, I am NOT a night person.  Watching all my siblings unwrap presents with me and as I got older the excitement of the older siblings coming home to visit.  Big family meals, we were Italian, putting on our fancy clothes to visit relatives.  Then it turned into a very pregnant Christmas in 1997, as my first born was almost here, a quiet year where I was on bed rest only weeks after almost d...

HOW ABOUT THEM BOYS???? Since this has become a woman's issue on the left and and abortion issue on the right, lets pause for a moment and consider something.  That girl that needed or wanted an abortion did not get pregnant because she was gay. She didn't have an immaculate conception, most likely...she was with a boy.... This idea that these are women's issues are insane. It takes two to make a baby. SOOO what about these boys, again I have raised boys and girls so I get it...  Boys especially teenage and young me like girls, like a lot, but they also usually are not as into the whole committed relationship idea.  Ask a teenage girl and she will tell you about how she wants a committed relationship, wedding plans....etc .... Ask a teenage boy and he will likely not quite be as excited about that idea.  Usually its more about sports gaming and yes...sex. So since we all want strong men of character, lets dig in...How many sermons, books... are all in on men and sexu...

 I haven't blogged in a long time, life got busy and changed.  No more school kids anymore as all are adulting.  Doubled the grandkids with much delight.  Made our first visit to Hawaii!  It was a beautiful adventure with my favorite guy!  Now we are about to visit Europe with stops in London and Paris to take in the Christmas lights and atmosphere! So you could say this second part of life as Milly and Grandy is starting off pretty .... well Grand! With growing older and life changing it has given me greater perspective. With each stage of life we gain or lose perspective.  What I have learned is perspective comes with experience and loss of perspective always comes from lack of experience.  Therefore I always feel like it is important to speak myself only of the things in which I have experienced.  For example as we are about to embark on a trip to a city we have never been it would be foolish for me to say it will be like this....because w...

Just some thoughts after seeing so many opinions on the student debt relief.   First, (disclosure) I will benefit from this...why?  Why didn't I work "hard enough" to pay off my student loans.  Being a person who got pregnant in college and choose to carry and raise my daughter and then marry her father keeping our family together I needed financial assitance with the idea that once I graduated I could work as a teacher. My husband working hard at an entry level IT job to provide for us. Both his mother and my mother passed away over the next few years and my mother had told me she really wanted me to finish my education and I honored that.  I started college in 1996 and it would take me until 2010 to actually finish that degree.  During this time we were led to adopt and instead of the 1 newborn we had planned on we ended up adopting 5 children because of our refusal to break up sibling groups, and our willingness to adopt older chldren.  I put my deg...

We are always taught to aim high, to reach for the stars and go big or go home....but how that translates into our current world which is ever changing has created an impossible situation and has created a lost generation.  A generation that can reach out in a moment and talk to anyone in the world, who can post a video or picture and be seen by hundreds or thousands of people is suffering from extreme loneliness.  Before this access, when I was growing up or my parents or grandparents, those mantras made sense because the only way to move up was to be a part of a smaller unit and make a difference.  For example, before we would have to engage in our school, neighborhood, community.... to move up to bigger things and through that making meaningful connections we found that we made a difference, was important....right where we were in our little corner of the world.  Now the ability of the internet, social media, reality tv, we see the very few skip that and rise to t...

 Before I was a Milly I was a Mom, which is usually how it goes.  We have raised many children from some hard places.  Most of the time we did have challenges, adjustment disorders, tantrums, rages.... all comes with the territory of healing.  But healing is the operative word, over time, hearts healed and the children and us developed bonds.  So when I call myself a RAD mom, I am not referring to the 80s rad...I am referring to a specific disorder Reactive Attachment Disorder.  Something that we have dealt with for the past 15 years.  It is far beyond the typical adjustment disorder, depression, anxiety that is to be expected in the course of an adoption.  As even the best adoption begins with the traumatic event of being separated from a birth parent.  The best way I can explain RAD's affect on a parent is a miscarriage of the heart. As I experienced an actual miscarriage, you carry a child and you dream and imagine all the things you will ...

 If you have had children in your life you have had this experience.  You find a gift for them, something perfect, something that suits them and you know they will love it.  You have the anticipation as you wrap it up and tie the bow.  You get so excited the day arrives and you give them this gift.  As they unwrap it they are wide eyed, mouth open or perhaps a shout of glee! They wrap their arms around you or give you that big smile and you know in that moment they know they are loved....keep that word in your mind...moment.....because if you know children that is how long the magic lasted.  In a matter of time, they still love the gift, but at times it will become the main source of their frustration, especially if its a video game...., It will become their biggest heartache, picture a lost teddy bear, or their forgotten item under a stack of other items when they are bored....  What happened.....what brought them excitement and joy has now fizzled to...

 This year was an unusual year for us.  It was the first year we didn't have two of our children home for Christmas.  It just happened to be our 2 biological children.  We did however have our son in law and granddaughter here for her first Christmas.  Christmas Eve I was singing as part of our worship team and looked down to see all 6 of our children whom came to us through adoption, my son in law and granddaughter.  It hit me that this entire Christmas was happening because Randy and I gave our plans to God in our 20s....We trusted in something bigger then ourselves when things around us were falling apart. So many times in that journey we said yes to God's plan when it seemed, crazy, hopeless, fearful, amazing.....  Without that walk.  This Christmas would have looked a lot different.  I know for a fact we would not know any of these wonderful people who now call us mom and dad, no grandbaby would be looking at her aunties and uncles with ...

So I have been newly addicted to Tik Tok and yes for a long time I was saying no no I am not joining it, but alas I have hopped on board...and there is a whole group of videos using an audio that starts off...first of all how do you even know??  and so that begins my thought train of the day... I am about to reveal how human centric my thinking has always been....one thing I struggle with, along with many in the world is how God can allow bad stuff to happen or how He could create a world in which its allowed or possible.  Before I ever really considered much about faith in my 20s I was a big bangest (if that's a word) mostly because I didn't really think about it more then what I was taught.  Didn't think about what began that, or where that matter came from, or why....my brain just didn't care honestly.  I thought more growing up about spooky ghosts and hauntings more then I ever thought about the other side of spirituality.  What is funny is in those days I n...

Sometimes in life he slips in quietly, stealthy.  I never see it coming. A little apathy, a little less quiet, a little more reminiscing on darker times... then the doubts slowly creep in, the feelings start to slide and the emotions take over, the truth grows quieter and quieter.  The faith begins to waiver and the seeking slows.  A loneliness shadows my heart and like bedtime story starts to lull me into a stillness. Then like a mother waking a drowsy infant I begin to sense an SOS, a life line pulling me back.  It begins with a stirring in my heart and longing in my soul.  A recognition of truth and familiar tug of love back to where my heart belongs, reminding me of the masterpiece I am in the hands of He who has made me.  The volume of my heart begins to rise and my mind begins to clear until I am back where I am and I realize he has crept in and deceived me but He who is greater has got me in his hands.

 I have seen so much debate these past couple of years over a range of social issues.  It has no signs of stopping either.  As a Christian I believe in a God who has a sovereign plan.  He is neither confused nor slow nor unjust.  In a perfect world his statutes are perfect and thus we have a picture of heaven, his second coming.  In the meanwhile we are here in an imperfect world that was never intended to become a perfect world.   In a perfect world, rape, incest, sexual abuse does not exist.  In an imperfect world this is a daily horrible reality. In a perfect world disease and traumatic injuries don't exist, but in an imperfect world they do and often lead to depression, drug abuse.... In a perfect world families stay together, love always is enough, but in an imperfect world we have divorce, domestic abuse, unstable families In a perfect world we are just and do not need governmental type regulations but in an imperfect world we are not a...

Somedays I feel like I must have SUCKER tattooed on my forehead...or perhaps on a sign on my back.  Learning to stand up for myself is not something that has come easily to me.  I tend to avoid conflict and want to create peace in any situation.  Sometimes this has served me well....never had many fights, I can get along with most people.  When I was young people would say I was sweet and back then I hated that description, I wanted something with more power...funny, determined, smart, strong....but sweet always felt weak and powerless.  I have always been an optimist and often have the rose colored glasses.  I have always felt like we can take on anything and I grew to love that about myself as I grew.  I started to see sweet as powerful, because I saw sweet and caring can often bring about powerful change and much more then strength and attitude.  I saw my family blossom and grow in part because of those rose colored glasses.  Had I been lo...